An arachnoid presence…
Last night we went out to dinner for my father in laws birthday. Nothing fancy and nobody puked, so we can consider it a major success.
When we left the restaurant, it was dark and Brett was driving. As he was pulling out of the parking lot, one of the street lights caught the windshield at just the right angle and we were able to see a giant spider leaping down towards the dashboard.
Listen lady, let’s review the rules before I relay the fiasco of the car ride:
1) Christine births the babies
2) Brett kills the spiders
There is no room for minor excuses like “I’m driving the car” or “my hand is on fire”. Did you see me making excuses while I labored for 18 hours when I had Cardin? No sir. Rule 76; no excuses, play like a champion.
So here we are, pulling out of the parking lot and the spider is in its death plummet towards me, fangs beaming….I yell to Brett to kill it.
He tells me to get something and do it myself!!!
Myself?? That isn’t part of the rules. At no point in our marriage vows was I all “I’m good with squishing spiders with my bare hands if you’re good with having the babies. ”
So I did the next best thing folks….I yelled to Cardin to throw me whatever toy she could reach….I was gonna beat the spider to death. Me vs. the creepy crawler. This is where it gets good ladies and gents. She hands me a bag. A BAG. The back of the car has little travel toys and she grabs a bag I keep back there in case Rory takes a massive dump and I need to throw our his diaper.
What am I gonna do with a bag??? Suffocate it? I mean, props to her for reacting in such an emergency and handing me anything; her heart was in the right place to come to moms rescue, but a bag?
Needless to say, creepy crawler fought to live another day.
Well ladies & gents, it’s been exactly one year since the giant spleen surgery.
It was a LONG haul to recoup and even now I have some residual pain left in the scar from nerve endings that healed over in the scar tissue. Overall, things are 100 times better. I can walk and sit without feeling my organs pushing against each other and I can hold my kids again. Based on just those two items, I’m miles ahead of where I was this time last year.
Plus I’m not laying in a hospital, with PICC lines or worrying about transfusions and collapsed lungs.
Cardin asks me frequently when my scar will go away, but I don’t mind my battle wound. It reminds me I’m not invincible and how close I was to not seeing this little boy grow up to be the awesome toddler he is.
Listen lady, how can you not love that face?
I do declare today a national holiday and so I give you happy spleeniversay day!!
You don’t really notice the daily changes in your kids since you are with them so frequently, until you pull something like this.
And then you cringe and say “Holy shit, where did the last year go?”
Cardin started Pre-K this week and I’m befuddled at the growth from last year. She’s grown a whole head and her book bag fits like a real kid now!! Though the picture doesn’t show it, she hasn’t grown just physically; she has grown socially and academically as well.
We are very excited to see how she will grow and what she will learn this year. However, I’m already dreading the day I have to put my bug on the bus to go to kindergarten.
A few weeks back I stepped outside on my lunch break to call and check in on the kids. While I was chatting with Cardin over the philosophical rule of Mr. Grouper from bubble guppies, I noticed a grasshopper on a leaf. I mentioned the grasshopper to her and told her I’d take a picture of it and she could see it later when I picked them up.
Listen lady, this kid has not forgotten about Mr. Hopper since. She asks about him EVERYDAY! “Mom, how’s that grasshopper today?” or “Mom, did you see that grasshopper today?”
It is as though the grasshopper has taken up residence at my office, has a dedicated cubicle, and attends daily meetings. The grasshoppers action items for this meeting: eat plant. Please plan to provide a status description by weeks end. Poor kid has no clue that Mr. Hopper has probably been eaten by some frog or bird looking for a good meal.
Murder in the second
Lady, remember that time I wrote about our new neighbors and Brett and I made the conscious decision to not let our kids play with the neighbors due to the lack of parental supervision?
Yea….call it selfishness, call it mothers intuition, call it whatever you like, but Thursday afternoon my next door neighbor was charged with second degree murder. What makes it worse is that she had the kids in tow with her when she allegedly committed the act.
You can read the full article here.
Needless to say, we were flabbergasted. Our quiet street has been a cluster since Thursday. I really do feel bad for the two kids. At 4 & 5 years old they’ve been dealt a rough set of cards.
Won’t lie, my families safety comes first and this may speed our time line for moving.