The other day I went to get my hair done for a friends wedding and as I was waiting for the stylist to finish with her last victim, an elderly woman came up to the counter to pay for her recent cut and style. Now when I say elderly, I’m not talking about “fresh from 55” elderly, I mean “should have been picking out a coffin” elderly. There was no way this spring chicken was less than 95 years old. TRUST ME. Her twin peaks had gone from saluting our grand flag to barely being able to lift a finger. Forget about her grand kids needing a Koosh ball. She would have to check these as separate pieces of luggage when she traveled. It reminded me of an orangutan.
Sorry…got distracted by the boobs again, so there I am waiting for my stylist and this elderly woman is paying. Without pause I hear the stylist say “it will be $125 dollars Agnus”. OK, where do I even start. Listen Lady, the name alone proves that she is at least 90 years old because I’m sure the social security administration hasn’t seen that name come through since Christ was a cub scout. And I’m all thinking “DAMN WOMAN, your hair will look awesome when your niece finds that you’ve sweltered in your house this summer because you couldn’t afford a FAN after the $125 you just spent on your hair.”
Now, just to clear up confusion, I’m not girly, so anything over the price of $10 for a haircut seems RIDICULOUS. It is just going to grow back again. Beyond the cost, the number of hair follicles this lady had remaining would qualify her as president of the hair club for men so I’m not quite sure what she spent over a hundred bucks on. I bet you $10 bucks though that she could so pull off, “Not only am I the president, but I’m a member too!”