Recently we celebrated my friends “end of single life” with a little party. There was food, drinks, laughter, and TITTY TASSELS. Yep, I really am going there; don’t play coy, you know you’re intrigued about them. One cannot celebrate the end of singledom without a little raunchiness. It’s only fitting, we’re talking about the end of being “just me” to the beginning of “us. Deviance is necessary.
Before the party, I headed over to a local gag gift shop and found these Candy Nipple Tassels. Who doesn’t like a nice sugar rush in bed? Note the exquisite, vibrant colors and the delicate way these tassels just lay on the bosom.
This brought back happy memories of childhood and candy necklaces. Cool summer nights, watching the fireworks, chomping away on a candy necklace. I’m sure that was the inspiration for this delicacy.
I happened to be reviewing the package and noticed that not only do you get pure pleasure for your money, but the maker also provides you with nutritional content. God love ’em. It’s a double whammy.
Interestingly, the serving size is only 6 pieces. Can you imagine, in the throw of things, 6 pieces consumed and you must rip these suckers off. THAT’S IT. I’VE HAD MY DAILY VALUE!!
By far, the best part of the gift is the declaration that it is “FOR USA ONLY”. Really?!? Is the calorie intact going to change in Europe? You can be sure the pleasure factor won’t swagger. I bet you 10 bucks Queen Elizabeth would use them.
Imagine the fun you would have declaring these in customs. The stifled custom’s agent asks if you have any food or drink to declare. And you’re all “well, I’m bringing titty tassels into the country.” My guess is that you would have warranted yourself a full body cavity search. Who knows, you might even get to wear the tassels during the inspection. “Ma’am could you stop swinging those around please, it’s interfering with my metal detector sweep.”
Melts in your mouth, not in your… ok you finish the rest.