As I fought the throngs this morning to get to work I noticed a motorcycle pass me in the left lane. Normal motorcycle usage is relatively common in the area so it doesn’t usually strike me as odd. Except for this morning.
The motorcycle that passed had a metal baseball bat jimmy-rigged to the “bumper” of the crotch rocket. It was in perfect placement, sticking out to the right side, so that the rider could reach behind with one arm and take hold of the handle as though to wield it at other drivers like a machete. No lie. Listen Lady, I only WISH I could have gotten out my phone fast enough to take a picture.
I’m pretty sure that the bat-pod never came equipped with this devastating feature. The baseball bat stayed nice and sturdy, posed for attack, as the rider weaved in and out of cars. Which is pretty amazing considering the holster was made out of some bungee cords and duct tape. Interestingly, the rider had no other baseball equipment attached to his body or the motorcycle; in fact, he wore a suit and tie underneath his leather jacket. After this fiasco, I totally would have anticipated a homemade jockstrap flag.
Forget Hell’s Angels, there is a new brand of bad on the street. Watch out for the “BAT BITCHES”. Imagine the damage they could do to mailboxes and garden gnomes. It’s good to see that America’s favorite pastime is still alive and well.
Is this the newest way to road rage? Cause I’m totally a bad ass with a wiffle bat.