Who loves fighting with customer service reps about their bills? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE. F me in the goat ass, I swear to you that lately, every bill I get, I need to call the company up and fight because the amount is not correct. And I’m not talking, “may I please speak to a manager” fight, I’m talking “take off your clothes we’re jumping in the jello pit and I’m going to scream every obscenity I know” fight. Last month it was the auto insurance and this month it’s the garbage bill. Customer service centers are going to start passing around my name and a voice recognition tool that will target my voice so they know when the bitch calls.
Last time I paid my garbage bill, I got a notice that my payment was declined. I lovingly called up the company and was all “here is my confirmation number, please tell me why you are refusing to take my money.” Who refuses money?!? Anyways, the representative I talked to checked out my account and said that my balance was showing as $0.00 and that I could disregard the email, payment had been processed. AWESOME. SUPER. Of course I don’t trust a single word that she is spewing AND NO I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE A SURVERY, STOP PEPPERING ME WITH THESE QUESTIONS. Because I’m that type of person, I got her name and employee id number. We’ll call her “sarah lee liar”. (Just from that name you know this is going to turn out great).
Now, because I only pay this bill quarterly, a couple months went by before I got the next invoice. FANTASTIC PSYCHOLOGY. 4 payments a year instead of 12; makes you feel like you are paying less, right? LISTEN LADY, THEY ARE STILL SCREWING YOU. Regroup. This time the bill was double because…and you’re going to be shocked by this one…the last payment wasn’t processed. I saw this bill and immediately my fingers dialed the number for the company, even though it was 7 pm and I KNEW they wouldn’t be open.
So the next morning, I lovingly called up the garbage company and gave them my confirmation number for the last payment and the name and employee id number of “sarah lee liar”. I calmly explained that when I talked to her that payment had been processed and my balance was $0.00. Apparently the payment was declined after I talked to “sarah lee liar” and the company decided that, instead of contacting me over the past 2 months, they should just leave the late payment alone and hit me with a new bill and extra charges. MY LIFE GETS BETTER EVER DAY!
Now I owe for 6 months of garbage pickup, plus a late fee, plus a $25 dollar restart collection fee. That’s when I went all Kung Fu on the customer service rep. WAX ON, WAX OFF. I lost it. There was no way I was paying any late fee or restart fee. I have a new tactic for companies who pull this. I was all “ok, when is my contract up so I can terminate it” IMMEDIAETLY I GET HELP AND RESOLUTION. Magic words. Like a little fairy came and just pistol whipped the customer service representative. She was all “oh ma’am I’m going to remove these late fees and the $25 restart fee and that will resolve your problem.”
Nope, problem not resolved. See my problem is with the customer service I’m receiving. You don’t tell me payment has been processed when in fact it hasn’t. And if my payment does get declined you contact me. And this is the best part. The rep was all “well, we must have a bad phone number and email, otherwise we would have been in contact.” And I’m all, LADY…I JUST GAVE YOU THE PHONE NUMBER AND EMAIL ADDRESS TO VERIFY THIS ACCOUNT TWO MINTUES AGO, SO IT AIN’T EVEN CLOSE TO BEING WRONG.
I shit you not, her response was…..”oh. huh, you’re right.”
I ended the call by checking the date I could terminate the contract and slamming the receiver down. DO NOT USE WASTE MANAGEMENT.