The Ant Trilogy- Part II
Luckily the ants that were residing in our garage have been gone for a few weeks now and have not returned; except for one minor detail. They must have been really liked our house because they mentioned it to all their other insect friends and it has become THE RESORT to go for the summer. Kinda like that time back in the 90’s when all the college kids decided to start going to Cancun for spring break and now that’s what EVERYONE does. All the cool bugs are going there. Ants, Beetles…I wouldn’t be surprised to come home and find an entomologist crawling around my house. The carpenter ants we had in the garage even convinced some pharaoh ants to buy a timeshare in my KITCHEN this week.
See, we have this cat. His name is ninja and I keep his food bowl in the kitchen. And I bent down on Saturday morning to pick it up so I could clean underneath it (I’m not one of the lazy kids who just mops around things, mom). Except when I picked it up, I noticed hundreds and hundreds of tiny, super small little ants crawling all over the food dish and eating the cat food. Because that is what we serve at THE RESORT. USDA certified, grade A Cat food. These ants were the size of a pencil tip at most and they were everywhere on that food dish…and there was a nice trail…right back to the wall leading outside.
Immediately I raised my fist to the sky and cursed myself for canceling that exterminator.
With all the fist pumping, everyone in the house came running to see what was going on; can’t have a crisis without the whole family. Of course the toddler tried to cram herself between my legs so she could get a better view, and in doing plastered herself to the wall and floor where all the ants were crawling. LISTEN LADY, how about for 5 seconds your ADD kicks in and you go stare at that shiny object while mommy tries to vacuum the hundreds of ants crawling on the kitchen floor. K. Thx.
Instinctively, the cat’s food and water dish went immediately into the garbage because I will not wash things that have live insects crawling on them. It’s just one of my pet peeves. Ya know…like don’t re-wear your underwear, peeing in the shower is only allowed when showering alone (kidding), don’t wash items that have live insects. Simple really. I’d rather spend the five bucks and buy new bowls.
We vacuumed all the ants and sprayed vinegar and water to try and diffuse them. Between the two of us we then spent at least the next hour calling exterminators trying to see if someone was available to come that day. FAIL. Being that it was nearly 2pm on Saturday, most of the companies were closed, booked, or could only make appointments for Monday. Meaning I would have to suffer through 2 more days of THE RESORT. Go get your sex on somewhere other than my kitchen!!!!
We had no luck in getting any exterminator to come to the house and take care of our infestation on Saturday. Though we were able to speak with one ultimately, unhelpful pest control agent. He informed us that for the past two weeks we have been having a heat wave (NO SHIT SHERLOCK) and it drives the ants to look for food and water sources outside their natural environment; like inside my kitchen; where I cook my family’s food; where my kid crawls around and plays; where my cat eats. And where I walk barefoot and expect not to step on crunchy little insects. Nothing has occurred in my house the last couple weeks except to have an air conditioning unit run nonstop as I DETEST the heat and humidity. Even more than I detest clowns. Put it this way… I would be willing to sit through a lap dance given by a clown if it meant I could be in air conditioning. Since the A/C has been on constantly the ants thought they would be able to find a cool spot to look for food and water. AWESOME.
As for the ants….I guess that’s for the last part of the trilogy.