I have a few resolutions this year. In no particular order, they are:
-Read more books
-Obtain a midget who will become my personal assistant
-Learn Karate and earn the nickname “Crazy Ninja”
I’m going to bank on only 50% of these resolutions actually being achieved. Hey…low expectations, low disappointment come December 31. Besides, I’m done with college; I don’t need to overachieve now.
So far, 2011 has started out with a BANG. Three days in and I’ve already been put on antibiotics. And it’s not for the rash in my no-no place; though that is looking skeptical these days. The antibiotics are for a gum infection. You see, after Christmas I had this brilliant idea to go on a movie date with my husband. No having to tip toe through the living room littered in toys, no rampaging toddler, no cleaning of puke. A few hours for just the two of us.
We typically go to the movies NEVER and on the rare occasion we do go we fork over the ridiculous amount of money for popped air. Bad decision. A couple days later I noticed that my tooth was starting to hurt and I thought perhaps I might have jabbed it too hard with my violent tooth brushing skills. A couple days after that and I noticed that my gum was starting to swell. I chalked it up to some serious inflammation. A couple days after that, I touched the gum and it exploded with blood and yellow pus. FAIL.
Giving in to defeat, I went to the dentist ON MY DAY OFF and experienced the worst pain of my life; and I’ve given birth internet. I had a piece of the celebratory popcorn shell stuck under my gum and it had caused an infection.
The dentist, or as I will refer to him thus forward, the torturer, started by giving me two shots of Novocain right into the gum tissue. Torturer claimed I would feel a little pinch. You sit on a thrown of lies! Listen Lady, let’s stick that needle into your wee-wee and see if it’s just a little pinch. Once I was sufficiently novocained up, or so I thought, torturer started with his pointy little pick like tool to get rid of the popcorn shell. Funny thing about Novocain though…. it doesn’t completely numb all feeling. I know this as the pick like tool was the origin of so much pain that it was causing me to clench the chair handles so tightly that my entire body was levitating. No joke. It was like one of those magic tricks where they lay the assistant on a board and then remove it and the person levitates in mid-air. That was me, all magicians assistant in the dentist chair.
Once the popcorn shell had been removed and torturer had flushed the open area with salt water (yummy), he needed to cauterize the area to stop the bleeding. Just to note, you can feel burning flesh even when you have two shots of Novocain.
I left in sufficiently more pain then when I started. Except now half my face was numb so I looked like a talking stroke victim. Happy New Year from the Listen Lady Crew.