I’m just going to throw this out there internet; putting Cardin to bed is similar to taking a Slim Jim away from Randy the Macho Man Savage when he is filming one of his commercials. I dare you to try. I often compare the process to putting a rabid animal to sleep as it usually involves frothing at the mouth, the presence of dangerous claws, and obnoxious defensive cat-calls.
I’m convinced that Cardin is so difficult to put to bed because of the amount of energy she has. She has so much energy in fact that not one, but two pediatricians have commented to me about how “ACTIVE” she is. TWO. And they only see her in 10 minute windows. I realize this increased “activity” was inevitable, given her DNA makeup, but HOLY HELL, JUST SETTLE DOWN FOR 5 MINUTES.
When it comes time for her to actually go to sleep we first go through a massive fit because I have just devastated every facet of her world by informing her about bedtime. People are starving in china and living in tents in Haiti, but the world is unjust because Cardin must go to sleep. It seems legitimate.
After we’ve finished that emotional rollercoaster we must get her settled so she actually stops moving her extremities. This can take upward of 30 minutes. Just when you think that she has finally settled and will no longer move, she flinches and wakes herself up enough that the process begins anew. I’m convinced that she flinches on purpose; as though she feels herself falling asleep and she screams in her head “MUST MOVE LEG SO THAT BODY WAKES UP AND PARENTS NEVER REST”.
In the past we’ve attempted to let her fall asleep on her own. As I mentioned previously, this has resulted in frothing at the mouth and extra loads of laundry. We no longer let her get so upset that she regurgitates her dinner for us.
However, this past weekend I unearthed a new form of deception that has allowed us to leave her in the crib AND let her fall asleep by herself. While this sounds like a fairly easy task, I assure you, her forced gag reflex has made it one of the downfalls of our household. Oh and also, I am in no way forlorn about using deception on her; the more the merrier folks.
Perhaps it’s just that she is older now, perhaps Indiana Jones has finally stumbled upon the answer to the Holy Grail, or perhaps it’s just pure asinine luck. Listen Lady, I don’t really care, I just know that if I put her in bed and tell her I’m going to get one of her other toys she falls asleep by herself and I don’t have to clean up puke.