I met my good friend Michelle for lunch over the weekend and Cardin tagged along on our play date where we entertained her with some markers and other craft items. By about 1 pm, it was getting a little toasty and we decided that outside weather was no longer our friend. We headed over to the mall since it was air conditioned and we could get some ice cream. Most notably because you can bribe Michelle and any child under the age of 5 with ice cream.
The ice cream shop had the appearance of an old school 50’s diner with stools in the front and the metallic silver tiles that you could view your reflection in. Inevitably, Cardin pointed at the stool and wanted to “get up hereeeee”. I placed her on the stool and ordered two kiddie sized vanilla ice creams in bowls. One with rainbow sprinkles, the other with chocolate mini chips. You see Internet, I’m not stupid….cones fall on the ground all too often.
The ice cream shop girl scooped them both and handed me the bowl with the rainbow sprinkles first. Instantly, my ninja fast child ripped the bowl away from me with such speed that it winged off the counter, sprinkles flying everywhere, only to land ice cream side down on the floor of Marketplace Mall. FAIL. Listen Lady, this floor isn’t exactly a place I’d call super cleanly.
Upon impact the tears started because Cardin was convinced her ice cream had befallen such a horrific fate. I suppose we’ll need to work on toughening her skin to things like earthquakes and world hunger. I shuffled her along to a table, coaxing her with another ice cream bowl that did not contain mad cow disease or gonorrhea.
In the meantime we picked up the ice cream that was most likely now laced with disease, rat feces, and a hint of leftover holiday wrapping paper. There must be a 5 second rule right? I scrapped off the top of the ice cream, gave it a good ‘brush your shoulders off’ and proceeded to eat what was left in the bowl. Listen Lady I figure if I can drink tap water and eat food that has been handled in a restaurant then a little bit of Marketplace Mall isn’t going to hurt me.