WARNING: for all future swingset buyers

Remember when we spent a month putting together Cardin’s swing set, which I so kindly dubbed the WOODEN JIHADIST WEASEL!! We spent a great deal of time researching what kind of swing set to buy and reading reviews from parents who had put these ridiculous contraptions together.

There was obvious concern about the quality of wood, pre-drilled holes, the need for all parts and accessories to be included with the kit. We read reviews on what others thought of the directions and organization of the parts. Listen Lady, not once did a parent reviewer mention the PAIN IN THE ASS-NESS of having to trim the grass around this monstrosity once it was actually setup. SOMEBODY COULD HAVE THROWN US A BONE.

You see lady you can’t actually use the mower to butt up to the swing set so you have to use a trimmer otherwise it looks like we have a hay field growing around the swing set.

 And this is where I’m convinced that the people who invented the swing set slept with the people who invented the trimmer and said “let’s screw with America’s middle class and be rich!!!”

Normally you’d think that you could just buy one of those gas powered weed whackers and take 2 minutes to speed around the edges of the WOODEN JIDHAST WEASEL. This is where you’d be wrong my friend. See those weed whackers use a plastic twine to cut rip the grass out and the force at which it is applied is so strong that it will actually destroy the soft wood of the swing set…..I know this from experience…..Brett is no longer allowed to be near the swing set with our weed whacker.

Instead you must purchase a hand trimmer and crawl around on your hands and knees to trim every molecule of grass that is within a one foot radius of the monstrosity. For added benefit of your neighbors you can always wear white knee socks with black shoes and flaunt your ass in the air as you silently curse yourself for encouraging physical activity and outdoor play.