Flashy Lights & the Promise of Rock n’Roll

Listen Lady, remember how we discussed the evolution of my daughter into a little diva and how she graced our home with her new light up princess sneakers. Here is a great story Internet….after two days of clomping around the house in the princess sneakers, the lights on the left shoe gave out. OUT.

I have three theories on why this might occur:

1) overuse- Cardin was practically sleeping and bathing in the shoes so it is plausible that 48 hours of consistent use could drain the battery.

2) severe physical punishment- Cardin is, and will likely always be, very petite for her age. The kid is almost 3 and weighs less than 30 pounds soaking wet. This is great for picking her up and holding her, but she stomps around like a pregnant elephant. It is hypothetically possible that the extreme force with which she places her foot down could have dislodged a battery.

3) torment for parents- These sneaker companies are smart and they suck kids in with these flashy lights and promises of rock n’roll. But then the lights go out and meltdowns occur. Of course there is no way to change the battery because then I couldn’t go spend another $25 on shoes again.

I headed back to the store, receipt in hand, to exchange these shoes for another pair….perhaps ones that would last 3 days this time. At first I got intense feedback from the very robust store clerk that “the lights were a manufacturing default as they are inside the shoe.” Really? I thought that there was a magic fairy that was floating around my kid shining a flashlight on her heal every time she took a step. Perhaps a car hit the fairy??????

Listen Lady, it was time to lay down the iron fist of fury. I asked to speak to the manager and told her that I had only owned the shoes for a total of five days, which seemed equal to the average IQ I was dealing with currently. I was all “I’m exchanging these for another pair that works and you can send them back to the manufactor. Ok. Thanks”.  

Moral of the story: new princess light up shoes now reside on Cardin’s feet.