Toe Truck
Babies are awesome at balancing; it’s important not to waste talent people. Because of such, I have an incessant need to balance objects on my children’s head. Common objects I find around the house are usually my go to items. Baby Ponies, bottle caps, rocks, short people. 
The list is really endless.
I used to do this with Cardin too, but then she started to crawl and walk and my balancing act got blown to shit. I’m happy to report that Rory still calmly accepts my actions.
Unfortunately, not all inanimate objects agree with my balancing talents. Perhaps this is karma, bitch slapping me across the face for screwing around with my kid. Or perhaps it’s just my uncommonly absurd talent at finding new and unique ways of self inflicting pain.
We hung around the house most of the day Saturday, since the meteorologist’s called for record setting swamp ass all day. I choose to unicorn Rory with some small plastic stacking cups. (By far, one of my better balancing choices) 
Brett was holding him at the kitchen table. I set the cups, ever so gently, upon his forehead, and quickly hopped off to get the camera. Except there was a minor injury when I went to retrieve said camera. Listen Lady, we keep the camera on the bookshelf in the living room and it just so happened that Rory’s bouncer and the bumbo chair were right in front of the bookshelf. With how quickly I ran off to grab the camera, I misjudged the bouncer and bumbo chair and I slammed my left pinkie toe right into the metal leg of the bouncer. I’m pretty sure that my toe looked like a backward L with how far it bent out.
A number of choice words escaped my mouth as I tried to move away and realized I also needed to jump over the bumbo and avoid crashing directly into the bookshelf. The Olympic team contacted me about jumping hurdles in 2016. I told them I’d consider it as long as they strategically lay baby toys and furniture all over the track.
I’ve stubbed my toe plenty of times, but never to this extreme. It swelled pretty quickly and then started to turn a nice shade of purple. Touching my toe was out of the question unless you wanted me to go Ninja Warrior on your ass. Turns out, after a couple of x-rays, it’s not broken, just sprained and bruised pretty bad. 
Listen Lady, no babies were hurt in the making of these pictures. Trust me, I’m a professional.