Valuable life lesson

Yesterday I received a perishable package that I had ordered as a present for someone. It came packaged in a giant styrofoam cooler with giant, red letters to “FREEZE CONTENTS IMMEDIATELY”.

Following said directions, I took the cooler to the basement and emptied the contents into the freezer. I promise it wasn’t a severed head or human kidney.

At the bottom of the cooler there appeared to be a large ice pack. Figuring, I’d keep this as well, I picked up the pack only to have it immediately start burning my fingertips. BLAZES!!!

Listen lady, I dropped what was clearly not an ice pack and noticed that the package around this incendiary device said “Dry Ice: DO NOT TOUCH WITH BARE HANDS”. Sure, let me get out the bear claws.

A better warning system should be in place for stupid people like me. Like putting a buffer pad around the block of dry ice. Some moron can’t invent the dry ice cozy! Million dollar idea people, million dollar idea.

Lesson learned. I’ll keep that in my pocket for the next 30 years.