Listen lady, last night I found the most gigantic beast of a spider in our Italian garage. Not kidding. It was playing with the kids kitchen set. I immediately defended myself with a wiffle bat and ran for high ground.
Brett was putting Rory to sleep so I was on my own in defending the family name….to the death you mighty bastard. I did the only sensible thing. I took one of the kids toy containers and quickly chucked it over the spider; capturing the beast. Then I ran inside and told Brett he had to kill the thing.
Listen lady, I do all the womanly/house wifely things, it is totally his job to kill giant spiders that lurk in the dark. The thing was the size of my hand. I saw fangs!!!! Big, sharp, pointy teeth.
When brett went out to kill the thing, he took a photo of it and then looked it up. It is called a wolf spider and it’s venomous. Oh that’s right, now we are toting around venomous spiders in ghetto gates. I find another one of these things and my house is getting bombed.