Vertically Challenged

The other day the American Academy of Pediatrics published recommendations for new and stricter child seat laws. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the safety of my kid. I’ve done it all…rear facing child seats, 5 point harnesses, safety seat inspections, side curtain airbags, helmets, knee pads, plastic bubbles custom fit for Cardin.

I get the recommendations for infants and small toddlers and I don’t disagree. Cardin is so small in stature that she sat in a rear-facing car seat much past the, then recommended age of 1. Let’s face it though…some of these kids ain’t so small in stature. Rolly polly babies are going to be eating their sausage thighs if you force them to sit backwards until the age of 2.

You know that someone is going to do a study now to determine the detriment to sitting with your legs all up in your grill until you’re 2. Stating that its not good for posture or development because it doesn’t allow full extension of the leg joints or some crappola like that.

Not to mention that if your kid sits backwards for two years, you don’t get the pleasure of enjoying the constant kicking they can do to the back of your seat. That’s a fun time. Especially when you’re driving. In a blizzard. With no visibility. In the dark. Also, it destroys the cloth backing to your seat and reduces the re-sale value of your car. KIDS ARE GREAT!!!

I must admit though, I’m a little discouraged by the new recommendations for older children. The pediatric academy suggests that children use boosters seats until they are 4 feet 9 inches tall, typically between the ages of 8 and 12. Listen Lady, I’m just going to throw this out there once and then that’s the end of the conversation! I’m not much taller than 4 feet 9 inches and neither of the majority of females in my family. Let’s face it, when Cardin does hit this benchmark, she is going to pretty much have reached her full height. We like to refer to this as vertically challenged.

Plus, since Cardin is so small, the chances of her hitting that growth spurt much before puberty are pretty much zip. I can just picture this now. She asks to go to a sleepover and I have to leave her booster seat with the friend in case they go on an outing. AS IF I WEREN’T ALREADY UNCOOL ENOUGH IN HER EYES, NOW I HAVE TO BE THE BOOSTER SEAT TOTER TOO.

Does this recommended use of a booster seat  also apply for anyone who is under the height of 4 feet 9 inches? And you know I’m thinking specifically of midgets. Commence hate mail.