Snow White vs Belle

Cardin has suddenly become obsessed with Snow White. She goes through phases like this where she will watch one movie, and ONLY one movie, on continuous play for a few months. Just long enough that you would rather poke sharp sticks in your eye than hear “Just whistle while you work.” Fuck off Snow White….nobody likes their job enough that they actually whistle while performing mundane tasks.

I’d much prefer if she’d fall in love with a cool movie. One where it did not look as though the main character was a blind widow. I’m not kidding….I guarantee that the majority of this movie, Snow White actually has her eyes closed. I secretly think it was Disney’s way of cutting costs. I can just see these exec’s reviewing the storyboard. “Well, if we remove the cornea’s from Snow White, we can save .002 per frame”. 

Listen Lady, people who talk with their eyes closed in real life annoy me. Imagine how annoyed I get when an animated princess can’t open her eyes.

To proliferate this fetish, my mom decided to buy Cardin a Snow White dress up outfit. I’m going to tangent here for 1 minute…. Of course my heart starts doing palpitations at this point with the whole pretend dress up thing. I get it…its a normal part of childhood. I’ll bite my lip and get onboard because I realize that she wants nothing more than to look like Snow White. Except my head starts doing marathon sprints of the conversations I’ll need to have with her, if only to instill the idea that she 1) should not trust creepy old ladies who try to give her fruit and 2) she should not rely on a man to come to her rescue. Equally important lessons.

So my mom gets out the “Snow White” outfit she bought, except its not a Snow White outfit at all, its a Belle outfit. Ya know….from beauty and the beast. Hopeful my mom isn’t suffering early onset of dementia I’m all “uh Mimi, that’s not Snow White’s dress.” My mom pipes back with “Well I know, but that’s all they had and the bottom of Snow White’s dress is yellow so it’s close enough.”

How do you argue with that logic? Clearly the two different characters can easily become mashed together into one dress because their dresses share the same hue. WOMAN, what is going to happen when she watches Beauty and the Beast the first time She’s going to think that blind widow is making another appearance when the yellow dress shows up.

One day when Cardin is 20, I’m going to pull this picture out and explain to her that she was decieved into thinking this was Snow White’s dress by an evil woman who liked to give her fruit.