Changing of the seats

Meet my little chunk. On Friday I had to take him to the doctors because he was coughing like a maniac and very congested. He weighed in at just under 20 pounds.

It’s a good thing the boy just got new clothes for Christmas because he was busting out of his 6 month outfits. Everyone would ask me what size he’d need and scoff when I told them 12 months. Listen lady, look at that Buddha belly. It’s adorable and cute but the boy can take down a jar of baby food like you wouldn’t believe. Wait until he gets teeth, my fingers will be next.

This is in complete contrast to the other mini me I birthed, who took nearly two years to reach a solid weight of 25 pounds. We are on uncovered territory here folks; I’m walking blind bitches and the boy just keeps peeing in my face.

Since he is growing so quickly, we decided it was time to move him into the rear facing convertible car seat instead of the infant carrier. It’s nearly impossible to lug him, with his winter gear, and the infant carrier anywhere. It’s as though you are dragging around a deer carcass that smiles at you.

Brett and I spent the good part of Saturday morning being ever the good parent and doing our due diligence on a new booster seat for Cardin so we could use her current seat for Rory. In the end we gave up and just went eeny, meeny, miny, moe. It’s all just a big crapshoot anyways, right?

I’m kidding, we picked a very safe, 5 star rated, side impacted tested booster seat with a latch system and the damn thing even has its own personal cup holder. Most important to note though: it has a removable cover that I can take off and wash. Gee internet, would you like to take a guess as to why we felt it necessary to purchase the model that offered this feature?????

Luckily, I had a bunch if coupons and rewards dollars so we ended up getting one of the three booster seats for free. Brett spent the better part of Sunday uninstalling, installing, tightening, and loosening the carseats into place in our cars. It’s one of his FAVORITE parts of childcare. And to think, our parents just let us roll around in the back of the car.

Lucky number ’13

2013 is upon us and it’s time to set some resolutions bitches!!!

To clear up some confusion, here is one resolution I’m not partaking in:I will not be exercising. Listen lady, this is not my style and while I should make the time and effort for my health, lets be realistic. I’m not running a race unless a clown is chasing me with a knife and Ryan Gosling is waiting at the finish line, shirtless, to serve me a margarita.

Drumroll please. Here they are, my resolutions for 2013.

1) I’d like to take more pictures. Of everything, but mostly my kids. In recent months I feel like I’m only pulling out the camera for holidays or special events. Cardin is already four and I feel like that time has flown, I want to make sure I’m capturing these memories; especially the embarrassing ones.

2) I want to go out on more dates with my husband. Let’s face it, the majority of 2012 saw me of some sort of bed rest or hospitalization; one can only have so many movie nights before they go stark raving mad. It’s time to let the 30-something’s out for their early bird meals.

3) Lastly, I’d like to go a year without having multiple organs removed. Since I still haven’t gained all the feeling back from underneath my incision, I’d like to avoid being a repeat organ donor this year and being the sole reason that the health insurance is switched to a high deductible plan.

I’d also like to win the lottery, but we’ll just put that in the “unlikely to achieve” column immediately.

To be honest, I’m excited and apprehensive about 2013.

My career is going great places, I just recently got a title change, but with it has come more work and time away from the kids. Rory will turn one in just a few short months and before we know it he’ll be walking. Cardin will finish preschool and it frightens me how much of my sarcasm has worn off on her.

Here is hoping for only good things in lucky number ’13.

Merry Christmas

As I reflect back on the past few weeks and the terrible tragedies our world has suffered because of senseless acts of violence, I’m reminded of the fragility of life. The preciousness of my two beautiful, healthy children.

Listen lady, In whatever way you celebrate, I hope everyone is reminded that the holidays are not about the gifts we receive this year, but rather the loved ones who surround us that make this time special. There are too many families, torn apart by violence, who are not as lucky as us and my heart is heavy for them.

Whatever your stance is on gun control or mental health, (no, this isn’t the forum so please don’t comment) I think we can all agree there is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.

From the Listen Lady family to yours….wishing you a Merry Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year!

A little corny

The other night I was occupied with Rory, so I asked Brett to warm up some chicken nuggets and corn for Cardin. Mind you, I thought this would be a fairly simple task since its really just a re-heat; no major cooking involved.

Listen lady, this is one of those times where I would be wrong.

I soon heard WHAM…..SLAM…..BAM
sounds coming from the kitchen. And then the expletive came. Brett was all, “oh shit…..well…..no corn.”

I shook my head and walked into the kitchen. The container of corn lay, strewn about my counter and kitchen floor. The account I was provided with was somewhere along the lines of this, “a giant mushroom cloud of steam exploded out of container and melted my entire fingertip off; DOWN TO THE BONE”.

Mmmmmhmmmm. Listen lady, run some cold water on it and call it a day. For the remainder of the night, I proceeded to pick up corn kernels from all corners of the kitchen. To make it extra special, the corn had some melted butter in it so it really slicked up the floor nicely.

Fast forward to last night and Cardin wants the exact same meal. Imagine that I’m a little hesitant to let Brett heat the container of corn. But, I pushed that aside and he succeeded without waxing the floor.

I however, could not let the opportunity pass by so unnoticed. We put the leftover corn in the fridge and I attached a note to it.

The picture is a smidge hard to read, so here goes

DANGER:
Warming me up can cause gravitational shifts in the earth and force consumers to plummet my contents all over the kitchen floor.

EXTREME DANGER:
This will piss off your wife since she’ll be the to clean up.

The best part is that he has yet to notice this note yet. If you can’t have a little fun with each other than what is the point, right?

Christmas cookie extravaganza

Over the past weekend we had our annual cookie day. The whole extended family gets together and we bake & frost what seems like an endless amount of cut outs. There is also a fair amount of consumption of fermented grape juice and cookie judging that goes on.

You can imagine that by the time the last batch of cookies roll on to the table to be frosted, the creativity has waned. This year we made 821 cookies.

Our resident expert froster, Kristen, joined us and we have issued a new challenge for her going forward. We come up with designs and see if she can painstakingly draw them on with frosting. She succeeds every time. This year we challenged her to Double Bubble:

And Batman:

Perhaps I will start planning my 2013 challenges now?