Taking a Stand
About a year ago I bought a brand new 47 inch TV for Brett’s 30th birthday. It was fantastic, except for one minor problem….it didn’t fit in our TV stand. Since the TV stand was like a cabinet, with sides and a top, we were able to make some minor adjustments and just remove the top shelf. This worked for awhile while we paid off some other furniture and bills, but it would never suffice as a permanent resolution.
After a whole year of looking at this ghettoized TV stand, I finally threw in the towel and made the public decree that it was time to invest in a new one. This was a great idea, in theory. We spent a great deal of time looking online and checking out numerous furniture showrooms to find a stand that would 1) match the style of the living room 2) be fairly child friendly 3) not require that I cut out my left kidney to pay for it and 4) not be made of particle board.
Listen Lady, you would not believe how hard this was. Most of the TV stands being made now fit into 3 categories: dark wood, glass shelves, or particle board pieces of shit. Dark wood is out as I prefer a lighter, more natural tone. Add to that equation, two of my accident prone children running around and glass shelves are out of the question. And particle board….well…let’s be honest, you aren’t exactly paying for quality woodworking.
As luck would have it, one of the local furniture showrooms was running a special over Superbowl weekend and we had acquired a 50% off coupon. We were able to find a 52 inch TV stand that met the requirements. After some major negotiation tactics, we haggled ourselves down to a really decent price. Brett measured the size of the TV stand and declared that it would fit in the back of his SUV so we were even able to avoid paying for a delivery charge.
As we were pulling away from the furniture store, Brett casually mentioned that “even if I wasn’t pregnant, the new stand would be too heavy for me”. OH CONTRAY BOY….I’VE GOT GUNS. Don’t doubt that I proceeded to give him a riveting muscular display right in the car.
Setup was fairly easy and we even have nice little drawers to store away movies and video games. The corners are rounded, which is a nice feature, since it will be one less boo-boo I need to kiss when Cardin or Rory crack their head on it. The best benefit though is that I no longer need to look at the ghetto TV stand; definitely worth every penny.
The serach
With Rory scheduled to make an appearance in just about 15 weeks I’ve started to get some things ready for his arrival. I know, you’re all 15 weeks is sooooooo far away, why worry about that now? That’s an entire semester of college people!! Think about how much ridiculousness we shoved into those minutes. Granted, I sleep and drink a lot less now.
I’ve always been a planner and organizer; a trait I’ve collected from my parents. All through high school and college I used to carry around an agenda. It was my guide to life; aappointments, due dates, birthdays, power hours….everything was neatly organized by day. Listen Lady, life is no different now, except that my agenda resides in my phone and I’m able to keep a backup copy; which only exaggerates my need for order.
My need for organization spills over in a compulsion to create lists. All sorts of to do lists, shopping lists, cleaning lists. IT’S A DISEASE!!! With the way the pregnancy is going and the restriction of no driving, I’ve spent a LOT of time in the house recently; creating lists and organizing baby things for Rory’s arrival.
One of the items on my list to buy was a new diaper bag. The bag we used with Cardin is long gone and not because she is being potty trained now or because she vomits at a less frequent rate. Rather, it is because the bag became so over used and mangled with the amount of clothing, vomit bags, burp clothes, and extra wipes we needed to carry around just to make it through a 2 hour outing.
So, a few weeks ago I began my quest for a new diaper bag; one that will hopefully take less of a beating and not require so many washings to remove vomit stains. There are numerous styles of diaper bags and all sorts of price ranges, but let’s be honest folks, do you really see my carrying around a designer bag? Luckily, this narrowed our search immensely as I could weed out all the ugly crap that would not mesh with my t-shirt and jean attire.
After a few weeks of searching and reading reviews, we finally settled on a green messenger bag. The bag was slightly pricey than what I had originally intended to spend, but a found a coupon and had a $20 gift card to the baby store, so in the end I was pleased with the purchase.
From all the reviews, you can shove a whole lot o’shit into this bag and there is a convenvient front pocket that is perfect for slipping your cell phone or a flask into. No joke lady….one of the reviews said that a flask fits perfectly into the front zippered pocket. We shall see about that!
Vom-tastic
We’ve spent much of the past 3 or 4 days locked in the house as Cardin developed an ear infection and a bad head cold. This all started on Wednesday of last week, but by Thursday night she was running a fever and complaining that her ear hurt. Which was wonderful timing since we had bought tickets last Decemeber to attend Disney on Ice that Thursday night. Why wouldn’t it work out that way, Lady?
We made a quick detour to the peditrican’s office before going to the show and confirming the ear infection. They sent over a prescription to a 24 hour pharmacy, we loaded Cardin up on children’s tylenol, and we were on our way to skating bliss.
BUT….not before I packed a few essential items that I knew we would need. A towel, extra baby wipes, and a vomit bag. Without fail, during the second half of the show, Cardin started an uncontrollable coughing fit and left much of her dinner right at the arena. Luckily, the advanced training I’ve received in puke catching left me so confident, that I had stashed the vomit bag in the pocket of my hoodie for easy access. We’re talking Boy Scout motto to the millionth degree.
Listen Lady, this is what it has come down to; I now carry plastic bags around IN MY POCKET so as to catch puke. I went to college for pete’s sake. It was no Harvard or Yale, but we had our fair share of incidents and none of them ever required that I be so prepared as to carry around a plastic bag in my pocket.
The trend continued for the remainder of the weekend and we finally just started carrying a bucket from room to room. Cardin is finally starting to feel better now that she’s been on antibiotics for a few days and the fever is gone. Fingers crossed that no one else in the family gets her sickness
Toe Jam
The other night, Cardin and I were playing with some dinosaurs. Suddenly, during the middle of playtime, she’s all “I need to check my toe jam momma”. I’m not really sure how she comes up with these ideas while she plays; its as though they suddenly pop into her head. Maybe its the ADHD impacting her.
OK…..
If you insist.
She proceeded to take off her socks and check her toe jam. I’m not really sure where she developed this habit. She claims she learned it from me, but I don’t routinely stop my activities to just pick out some toe jam. I like to believe she isn’t mimicking me on this one, but I do have a pretty strong hatred for socks that have a seam right at the toes. WHY WOULD YOU SEW A SOCK IN THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE PLACE???? I will remove shoes numerous time just to position a sock correctly. Add it to my list of fetishes.
After she completed penance with her toes, she decided it was time to inspect mommy’s toes. S
he ripped off my socks and peeled my toes apart. Expect she didn’t stop pulling when she felt resistance, she’d just pull harder at that point.
Listen Lady, I thought my little toe had been pulled off at one point. Images started to swirl in my head of only having 9 toes. My balance is bad enough now, I fear the repercussions of what losing a toe may do.
The Plunge
Today we’re delving into the world of poop. It’s going to be total TMI. Though over the top exaggeration is what I do best and that is why you routinely stop by.
So a week ago, I wrote about the whole potty training deal with Cardin. After you have a kid, you’d be completely astounded as to how comfortable you are dealing with their bodily functions. In fact, it borders on an obsession to know the number of times a day a diaper is changed or your kid asks to use the potty. Listen Lady, it becomes such a mundane fact that it can be discussed over dinner as casually as your day at the office. I suppose on some level, the ease of which bodily functions are discussed is advantageous to children; I just like talking about poop though.
Cardin has been doing fabulous with potty training, but like any kid, she’s had a couple minor infractions that we’ve lived through as we navigate these new waters. Understandably, this is a big change for her and she has struggled with actually pooping on the toilet. By struggled I mean she holds it for days at a time. This is completely unnatural for a child of her size and yet she continued to consume extreme quantities of food.
This started almost immediately when we began potty training and in an attempt to help her, we bought apple prune juice. Alas, she proved resilient to our juice attempts. By the time we had gone 96 hours without any sign of poop, I called in the peditrican for backup. He suggested trying a laxative.
Cardin finally imploded that night. I was milliseconds away from busting out in a special rendition of Salt n’ Pepa’s “Push It” when Cardin finally made landfall. Elated, she ran off to get her Hershey Kisses while I was left to deal with the atom bomb she just dropped.
I’m going to emphasize again that this kid weighs less than 30 pounds and had not pooped in 96 hours when this incident occurred. I was forced to plunge our toilet not once, but twice, in order to remove the backup. Listen Lady, by this time I was in a fit of uncontrolled laughter; tears were running down my face. It is incomprehensible to me that a THREE YEAR OLD could plug a toilet so badly that a hazmat team is needed and yet its one more thing to check off my bucket list.