Disney Bound
A few months back, Brett and I began to make plans to take Cardin to Walt Disney World. Many people are aghast at our plans, saying “she’s too young” or “she’ll never remember it”. And in many respects, they are right; she won’t remember the trip when she gets older. Sure, she’ll have pictures to look back at, but she won’t recall the memories. But, I fight these naysayers. Right now, the characters and princesses are real to her and to be able to view the wonder and excitement of that through her eyes is a memory that Brett and I will be able to share for a lifetime.
Originally, the plan was to head down to Disney in November of 2012 and to celebrate my 30th birthday while there. We’ve tweaked that slightly. In August of this year, Disney announced that they were extending their free dining option through March of 2012 and then we found that Southwest was running a special with their credit card. If you opened a card they’d give you a free round trip fare; all you had to pay was the annual fee of $69.
Listen Lady, there was a lot of extreme couponing going on, but we are Disney bound the last week of November where we shall ring in the final season of my twenties at the Magic Kingdom. In all, we managed to buy 3 roundtrip airfares for $250 and get the free dining during our stay. Since Cardin will qualify to enter the park for free, we only had to pay for entry tickets for two adults. In all, we paid $1500 for the 3 of us to enjoy the week at Disney. After all….its where dreams come true.
Once our flights were booked, we told Cardin about our plans. We told her where we were staying and how there was a giant pirate ship in the pool and that we were going to have breakfast with the princesses. I think I confused her when I mentioned those in succession as she asked me “princesses swim with me momma?” I couldn’t help buy stifle my laughter.
Contessa Cardin
Let’s be honest here folks, I lack a certain feminine quality in my life. Sure I did the whole wedding dress and I can even manage to comb my hair most mornings, but when push comes to shove, I’d choose comfort over fashion any day of the week. My jeans range from grunge to fancy. I’m OK with this fact; I consider it one of my finer qualities. Brett’s happy with it as well, especially since it means he doesn’t have to suffer the wrath of high shopping bills, long waits for me to get ready to go out, and the daily freak out over my makeup.
You can imagine that I was totally gungho to pass all of my finer feminine qualities onto Cardin when we found out we were having a girl. Listen Lady, I’ve failed miserably. The kid hates to be dirty, she loves anything sparkly or pink, and enjoys wearing dresses (which is a complete oxymoron to me).
At this time I’d like to place blame for all this girlishness on to my mother. See Internet, my mom watches Cardin during the day so she takes her shopping, they play dress up, and have manicures. I’m convinced this is the girl my mother always wanted but never had. In fact yesterday they went shoe shopping and I was informed that Cardin tried on nearly every shoe in the store, whether they were her size or not. AND THIS IS WHAT SHE CAME HOME WITH. They even light up pink.
Princesses are her great love of life right now. We’re having a princess themed 3rd birthday party. And of course….when we go to Disney, we’re having breakfast with the princesses, but I’ll save that story for another time, right now I need to go watch some football and stop staring at all this pink.
Corky
So much has happened, and I’ve neglected to tell you…I’m fighting a cold, Cardin has turned into a princess, and aliens invaded. All in due time my ladies.
For today we’ll turn to the story of Corky. While we were visiting my brother in Hoboken we went to frequent Benny Tudino’s Pizzeria. Don’t get me wrong folks, I like to go on road trips, but I’m not a city girl. I don’t like the atmosphere and the fast pace. I’d hate the fact that I’d have to route my life around traffic patterns and parking spots and stepping over the homeless. Not for me. AND ALL THE WALKING. HOLY HELL THE WALKING.
My brother’s most famous lines are “oh, its only a couple blocks” and by the time you reach your destination you want to cut your feet off. I’m just not cut out for the city folks. Anyways, we parked the car, most likely in some illegal fashion, and began our mighty trek to Benny’s; my mother was trotting along in front of me. This is an important fact to note and I will digress for one minute to explain.
You see Internet, I’ve learned from past experience that you don’t walk in FRONT of my mom, you walk BEHIND her. For good reason. About 6 or 7 years ago, my parents took my brother and I on what was our last family vacation; a Caribbean cruise. While we visited one of the islands, we were doing some leisurely shopping. I was strolling along the shopping corridor, my mother behind me, and I noticed a parfume parlor across the street. Since I was in the market for some cologne for my would be husband, I decided to venture across the street. My mother, who noticed my departure, turned to come along….except she missed the step down onto the street and tumbled forward, falling on top of me.
Were it not for my pure physical prowess and muscular strength, both of us would have face planted onto the gravel road. I was completely aghast at her. How could she have jumped me in such a way? I whipped around in disgust, shouting expletives at her inability to control her liquor. She has yet to live down this incidient. And henceforth we always walk behind my mom.
This very circumstance was proven to us that day that we walked to Benny Tudino’s. For it was not one minute after we began our trek that my mother almost tumbled to the ground in a fashion not unlike what was witnessed by our Caribbean peeps. Listen Lady, Hoboken is a pretty big area, and when we’re talking about surface area coverage…..phew….massive. My mom had managed to find the single, solitary wine cork that was laying on the sidewalk in Hoboken and step on it. The chances of this occurrence are uncanny. Woman can’t manage to win the lotto, or have a kid without a twisted sense of humor like me, but she’ll find the cork that will be her downfall. Epic, mom.
I immedaitely phoned Brett. My mom’s new name is Corky. We have come up with hundreds of schemes for pranks. My calling in life isn’t to test software…..it’s to mess with my mom.
Spelling Bee
I stopped to get gas the other day and found this at the pump:
I’m not going to lie folks, I judge.This is why certain people work at gas stations and certain people graduate college. Many people are happy working at gas stations and I applaud their fine career aspirations, but I beg of you, do not subject us to this cruel punishment for we will make fun.
Don’t tell me you couldn’t have shouted to Johnny the stock boy and been all ‘Yo johnnnzzzz, how you spell Pre-Pay?” I would hope the two of your brains could work together to solve this puzzle.
Listen lady, I have a moral compass. I just choose not to use it.
AS BIG AS YOUR FACE!!!!!
While we were in NJ last week we frequented one of my favorite pizza place’s: Benny Tudino’s Pizzeria. The first time I went to visit my brother in Hoboken he took me to this pizzeria and we each got one slice of pizza. When the waitress brought out the pizza slice I was astonished at the size and I proclaimed “THIS PIZZA IS AS BIG AS MY FACE!” The phantom of the opera could totally use this pizza as his mask. My brother laughed at my comment and it stuck as an inside joke between us.
The slice covers the expanse of two plates and usually overlaps even those plates. You can get a moutain of toppings and the slice runs you about $4.00. A homeless mans feast. From that day forth, Pizza was changed for me. Nothing could quite compare to Pizza as big as your face.
I took Cardin with me and since she doesn’t eat Pizza (she’s weird) I got her spaghetti. Luckily there was a bottle of grated Parmesan cheese on the table as we basically have to hide all of the spaghetti under a pile of cheese to get her to eat it.
About halfway through our meal, Benny came out and sat down at the table across from us and was talking to some employees. We paid him no heed until Cardin started to gag and choke because she was refusing to eat any more of her meal. Quick to action I pointed to Benny and was all “See that man? That is Benny. And if you throw up in his restaurant he will yell at you.” Immediately she shut it down; her eyes lingering on his figure, contemplating my threat.
I’m pretty sure I’ve damaged her psyche with Benny Tudino, but I do know that I did not have to clean up puke in his restaurant.