The case of the giant booger
Cardin has a tendency to develop gigantic boogers. I’m not exaggerating here either, Brett can confirm their massive size. The other day, one booger came flying out of her nose that was easily as big as my thumb nail!! It was the king of all boogers!! (It was so big that it requires extensive use of exclaimation points) LISTEN LADY, how are you breathing?!?!?! Your nostrils are not even that large. 
We can’t get her to understand the concept of blowing out of her nose, instead she just spits out of her mouth. The boogers hang around for some time and I’m convinced this squatting effect allows them to quadruple in size.
One night last week I offered to be Cardin’s personal booger digger and grab the sucker with a Q-tip so she could actually breath. Don’t get ideas, this isn’t a role I would take on for anyone but my own kid. This was unacceptable and we must have tried blowing her nose 50 times. As a side note, each time you blow her nose you must utilize a new Kleenix. Hopefully this fresh Kleenix need does not turn into another OCD habit. Needless to say the Kleenix box was looking mighty empty after our failed attempts to grab the giant booger.
A few nights later the case of the giant booger was solved when I was giving her a bath and washing her face. Clearly the steam from her bath and me using a washcloth was enough to dislodge the culprit that had been plaguing her sleep for a few weeks. This thing could have gone in the Guinness book of world records.
She was able to sleep peacefully that night, without snoring like her father. Since then, the boogers seem to have regenerated themselves. These always look lovely, especially since she’s such a lady and wants to be dressed up all the time.
The Amnio
We are rounding the corner on having this baby and I cannot wait! The other day, I scheduled an amniocentesis for May 10th. Provided that the results of the amnio show that Rory’s lungs are out of their fish like state and strong enough to handle the toxins that seep out of Cardin’s butt, I will be induced immediately.
I will be 37 weeks and considered full term at the time of the amnio. Though it would be better to wait until 39 weeks to ensure lung maturity, the doctors are concerned with rupture of my spleen. It was recently measured at nearly 30 cm long. That’s just about a foot in length and it has become extremely sensitive to slightest pressure exerted by his growing body. A rupture of my spleen would be pretty catastrophic for both myself and Rory as I would bleed internally within minutes. Since I’m on heavy doses of narcotics, this also saves him 2 weeks of exposure to these drugs.
Listen Lady, I’m not fond of the idea of an amnio since there are some slight risks involved and ya know…..the whole idea of cramming a GIANT NEEDLE into my belly is not kosher. I’m forcing Brett to watch this procedure so he can get the gist of the pain. My doctor has ensured me this is the best recommendation for both Rory and myself.
There is a chance that his lungs will not be mature enough, in which case we’d have to wait another week. I’m not considering that a viable option at this point because I’m past the point of discomfort and I will extract him myself if need be. With any luck, we’ll be a family of four by May 11th and I’ll be celebrating Mothers Day by feasting on hospital food.
Under the Sea
After bath time the other night, Cardin decided it was again time to load up on some fresh ink from her newly acquired princess tattoos. After I had completed putting at least 5 tattoos on her body, she informed me that Rory also needed a tattoo.
Since I wasn’t keen on the idea of inducing labor just to slap a temporary tattoo on his skin, I told Cardin that she could put the tattoo on mommy’s belly and that would suffice. She picked out a tattoo of Sebastain, the lobster from Little Mermaid, and slapped it right above my belly button. AWESOME.
This was all good until I began another regime of excruciating pain later that night and thought that we were going to need to head back up to the triage center. I was going have to explain to the nurses and doctors why I had a tattoo of a Disney character on my belly. I’m sure they have seen worse, but I can only imagine that they would not believe I was taking orders from a 3 year old. Luckily, I was able to cease the pain with the medication I have and since removed the offending tattoo.
The never ending question
Internet, ya know when you were 8 years old and sang, “This is the song that never ends…” just to annoy your parents? (You’re welcome for getting that stuck in your head now). I’ve discovered that this particular brand of parental annoyance begins at a much earlier age; the roots of which are from one tiny, little question. WHY??
In recent weeks, this has become Cardin’s favorite word. Her response to anything we tell her is, “why?”. Even once we’ve tried to fully explain the answer, she shoots back with another round of “but why?”. This cycle of repetitive “why” asking continues until I shout something like…..
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, BECAUSE I SAID SO!!
And there it is lady….now my mother’s voice is spewing out of my lips.
The first time you repeat words that your parents once used on you is a major milestone in parenting. The words unknowinglyy spill out of your mouth, hanging in the air, while you pause to truely contemplate the gravity of the situation; knowing that you have just broken the one promise you made when you first saw that pink plus sign. I will not turn into my parents. I imagine that as we age, the number of these catch phrases I utilize with Cardin & Rory will grow exponentially.
Don’t get me wrong lady, I’m happy that Cardin inquisitive, however, I’d prefer that we be discussing intellectual property if we’re going round for round in a battle of “but whys?” rather than discussing the need for mommy to flush the toilet after peeing.
Epidural Me!
Last week, during one of my scheduled OB visits, we began discussing the details for inducing me prior to my expected due date. I was induced when I was pregnant with Cardin, so most of this was not a surprise for me.
One of the items that I had blocked out was the need for my platelet count to be over the 80 point mark. If my platelet count were to drop lower than this then I would not be qualified to receive an epidural for fear that my blood would not clot properly. As the doctor reviewed my recent blood work she noted that I was right on the cusp as my platelet level has been hovering right between the 80-90 range. Holy not cool batman!
This is not an atypical level for me, especially given my ginormous spleen, but is cause for concern, since I’ve no desire to deliver Rory while contending with contractions and the possibility of rupturing my cyst.
I know many people are strong proponents of natural birth and all, but this lady ain’t one of them. Bring on the drugs!! There are no awards given out to women who give birth without pain medication. Willingness to suffer through this pain while you are tired, scared, and irritable is not a sign of persistence and selflessness. In my opinion, it is a sign of questionable judgement. No doctor or nurse will think any worse of you for accepting medication to help relieve pain and ease the delivery.
When I got home from my last appointment, I did a google search to see what foods I could eat to increase help my platelet level. Some researchers mentioned leafy vegetables while others mentioned red fruit such as raspberries. Listen Lady, I sent Brett out on a mission for raspberries that day and in the past 2 weeks, I’ve likely consumed an entire orchard of raspberries. Ironically, my most recent round of blood work came back with the highest platelet levels for my entire pregnancy. Coincidence?