The grab & go
Shortly after Rory discovered that he had hands and could use them to clutch objects, we witnessed the first of his manly readjustment sessions during a diaper change. As soon as the diaper is off, his hand is down there, rooting around and readjusting his junk.
And here I am, yelling over the baby monitor…”BOY….you do not need to adjust….you are 9 months old!!!”
You would think that he’s just had on an extra small jock strap For 16 hours with the way he goes to town. Brett takes every ounce of pride in this fiasco; cheering Rory on as he makes a quick stop at the grab and go market.
I’ve asked around, but apparently this isn’t really a common practice with other babies. Lets just chalk it up as another oddity on the roadmap of my life. I’m sure this is only going to get better as he gets older.
Petting zoo of filth
Over the weekend we took the kids to an indoor “petting zoo & carnival”. Let me just lay the foundation for you here Internet. We got the true “carni” experience; from the missing teeth to the robust bellies, the uncleanly attire, all the way to the rather crass attitude.
It was basically a clusterfuck of uncared for, dirty animals and some very questionable midway rides.
Immediately upon arrival to this shit show of a “family outing” we were greeted with the pungent odor of animal feces; always the invigorating fragrance.
The overabundance of animals that were packed into cages was absurd.
Many of them stood, glassy eyed, with their fur matted down. The animals seemed uncared for and likely, mistreated, as hundreds of kids shoved grimy hands in their cages.
The games and midway rides, though I’m hopeful had recently been inspected, seemed to be held together with spit and duck tape. The rides seemed to be a festering pool of germs. Equally impressive were the operators of these rides. I would hazard a guess that the workers spend their downtime on a “high” ride
Cardin & Rory were able to overlook these deficiencies and Brett and I gritted our teeth as we dolled out a continuous stream of money in this cease pool of filth. We simply kept chanting, “doing this for the kid”. Luckily, there were no creepy clowns with big ass feet or a red nose. Listen lady, that would have really thrown me way over.
Bloodlust
I have many nicknames for Rory; tank, bull, Godzilla, baby Rambo. This weekend he proved his bulldozer tendencies by giving me the mother of all fat lips. Listen lady, I looked like a victim of raging domestic violence fight. Rory bashed me hard enough with his forehead that my tooth went through my lip and I was presented with a mouthful of warm blood.
If we are placing blame, I’ll raise my hand for this one. I may have been rough housing with him on the floor; rolling him over and tickling him. However, under no circumstances did I give him an elbow from the top of the turnbuckle, so he could have tried a less defensive move. Unless he is getting advice from Chris Brown, you don’t go for the face!!!
Luckily the bull felt nothing and he was happy to keep tromping through the living room while I went and rinsed out my mouth.
Rory has the clap
The other day, Rory was racing around in his walker like one of those NASCAR racers. I have all my teeth, so I’m not “in the know” on any of their names. Except the woman one; Danica. I’m fairly sure I’m required to know her name since we utilize godaddy.com to host this domain. That and she totes her body around in a leather cat-woman outfit as a sex symbol or to distract us from her driving skills? You decide.
Cardin was playing a game with me at the computer and got excited over achieving some new level of greatness, so she started clapping. Rory immediately started imitating her and thus, THE CLAP was born.
Listen lady, we also discovered that Rory is a miniature aficionado for Mickey Mouse. His reaction to Mickey coming on tv is awesome. Imagine giving 20 red bulls to a Capuchin monkey who has limited gross motor skills.
httpv://youtu.be/kTI2OZurtck
Based on this short video, I think I know where we are headed on our next vacation. This makes all those sleepless nights and temper tantrums TOTALLY worth it.
Baby porpoise
Look…he is destined for life as a dolphins fan. It’s a pre-determined trait.
httpv://youtu.be/FIMLydMYGiU
No idea where this noise originated from, he just started making it the other day and now that’s pretty much the only noise he makes.