Double the Fun
About the time that Cardin started crawling we invested in a childproof gate to attach to the top of our basement stairs. The gate has a small pet door at the bottom so that ninja can still go downstairs, but not big enough that Cardin’s head will get stuck in there. The gate has worked wonders….up until about a week ago.
We were getting ready to leave and I was putting my sneakers on. Cardin was waiting, ever so patiently, at the gate so that we could all pile into the car. Apparently her patience waned as I turned around and discovered that she had figured out how to open the child proof lock on the gate. I stood there a little befuddled at first and I’m pretty sure my response was “WHOA BUDDY”. You see Internet, to open the childproof lock requires two hands and considerable strength. Listen Lady, most adults have a hard time figuring out how to open this lock. Apparently stealth eyes has biding her time to spring this new revelation on us.
This isn’t really that much of an issue during the day when we are awake as Cardin stomps around like an elephant and there isn’t much she can do without us hearing. The bigger concern is at night; now that she is sleeping in a regular bed and can freely get down and roam the house she has ample time to get over to the gate and open it before we can stop her.
We promptly made a trip to home depot to look for an alternative solution so that muscles cannot open the gate and fall down the stairs. We found another type of lock that is really intended for a cupboard or even fridge doors. Each side is tethered to a handle and then they meet in the middle to lock. This new lock is a doozy too, if she manages to open this then we are signing her up for mensa.
I installed the childproof lock onto the childproof gate and we now have double the fun in going downstairs or outside.
I NEEEEEED TO
Cardin’s favorite saying lately is “I NEEEEED TO”; as though whatever item she desires, the need is in complete and pure desperation. Her inflection implies that she will fall over and die immediately if her every whim is not satisfied. The majority of the time she doesn’t really need these things, she just wants them….clearly we have some work to do on differences.
From the moment she gets up until she finally crashes, she is always citing that she NEEEEEEDS something. “I neeeeeed to watch TV” or “I neeeeeeed to play downstairs”. The best part is that when she is angry or upset she tells us “I neeeeed to yell momma”. You neeeeed a chill pill woman.
This afternoon, when I called my mom to see how Cardin was, I heard the midget running around in the backgound like a wild boar. A few moments later I heard a crash and my mom go “Cardin what are you doing in my cupboard”. Apparently my kid had decided to start shoving some of her toys in the kitchen cabinets containing fragile/breakable items and her only response was “I NEEEEEEED TO”.
Listen Lady, momma neeeeeeds a drink in order to deal with all your needs. Hopefully she outgrows this phase quickly.
I want to do a “RAFT”
Since the weather was crappy this weekend, we decided to take Cardin to Garden Factory for some Fall Fun. You see Internet, during October Garden Factory hosts kids events. There are some small festival rides, kids can make crafts, there are pumpkins galore, and there is even a small area where they serve food.
Since Cardin is like the miniature version of Martha Stewart lately, this was perfect for her. She did nearly every craft that was available; decorating a pumpkin, sand art, coloring a wind chime. Here is a closeup of the sand art right after it was completed.
About 5 minutes after this picture was taken, the pumpkin experienced shaken baby syndrome first hand. Needless to say, it no longer looks as pristine.
After our “rafts” were finished we played a couple small games. She came away with these fancy skeleton sunglasses. I modeled them for Brett, he was not overly impressed. I however, think they’d be great bedroom attire.
Normally Cardin’s not keen on activities where we can’t also be involved, but she really surprised me this time around. She went down a giant slide and even rode a ferris wheel by herself. Hopefully this independence will assist when we are in Disney. Or it could totally bite us in the ass.
Kid wolfed down a giant pumpkin cookie too and her face was orange for the remainder of the day. 
May Result in Suffocation
With the cooler weather starting to touch down I cleaned out some of Cardin’s winter clothes that no longer fit her. Of course I no longer had any room in the numerous 18 gallon totes we have downstairs holding Cardin’s other baby clothes, so I headed off to Target.
I picked up a new tote and found this on the cover:
Just in case you thought that this 18 gallon tote would be a good place to store your baby; ya know….like they are dry goods. My guess is that the company that molds these plastic totes is trying to cover their arse from a lawsuit because at some point, some genius thought that this tote would be an OK place for a baby to hang out it. Likely unsupervised; with knives and chainsaws. Listen Lady, sometimes my words don’t even do these things justice.
I’m disappointed there is no picture depicting that an animal cannot be placed inside said tote or an alien; this seems very discriminatory.
Flashy Lights & the Promise of Rock n’Roll
Listen Lady, remember how we discussed the evolution of my daughter into a little diva and how she graced our home with her new light up princess sneakers. Here is a great story Internet….after two days of clomping around the house in the princess sneakers, the lights on the left shoe gave out. OUT.
I have three theories on why this might occur:
1) overuse- Cardin was practically sleeping and bathing in the shoes so it is plausible that 48 hours of consistent use could drain the battery.
2) severe physical punishment- Cardin is, and will likely always be, very petite for her age. The kid is almost 3 and weighs less than 30 pounds soaking wet. This is great for picking her up and holding her, but she stomps around like a pregnant elephant. It is hypothetically possible that the extreme force with which she places her foot down could have dislodged a battery.
3) torment for parents- These sneaker companies are smart and they suck kids in with these flashy lights and promises of rock n’roll. But then the lights go out and meltdowns occur. Of course there is no way to change the battery because then I couldn’t go spend another $25 on shoes again.
I headed back to the store, receipt in hand, to exchange these shoes for another pair….perhaps ones that would last 3 days this time. At first I got intense feedback from the very robust store clerk that “the lights were a manufacturing default as they are inside the shoe.” Really? I thought that there was a magic fairy that was floating around my kid shining a flashlight on her heal every time she took a step. Perhaps a car hit the fairy??????
Listen Lady, it was time to lay down the iron fist of fury. I asked to speak to the manager and told her that I had only owned the shoes for a total of five days, which seemed equal to the average IQ I was dealing with currently. I was all “I’m exchanging these for another pair that works and you can send them back to the manufactor. Ok. Thanks”.
Moral of the story: new princess light up shoes now reside on Cardin’s feet.